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All of these are tests of masculinity for these adolescent men.
Many boys become interested in weight lifting magazines with photos of muscular men whom they wish to emulate as a way of demonstrating their masculine prowess. According to Robert Stoller, a psychoanalyst and researcher on sexual issues and pornography, the role of pornography is to serve as the reverse of life events that occurred during childhood.
It goes without saying that masturbation occurs in isolation, at least under these circumstances, and the wife or partner is not involved in this solo activity. Why do so many men view porn in private and keep it secret from their wives, even from those wives who are willing partners in jointly viewing pornography as a "turn on" preceding foreplay and intercourse? One of the reasons why men who are married, engaged to be married, or have a girl friend with whom they are sexually active, engage in the viewing of pornography in secret has to do with an emotion we recently visited called shame.
Let us see if we can figure out some answers instead of engaging in condemnation. As has been stated in other weblog entries on this site, shame has to do with deep feelings of self-disapproval.
Some of these female writers report that they even view some internet porn along with their partner and feel especially angry that their partner will sneak away to view porn websites in isolation.
The comments express outrage, hurt, puzzlement, and confusion about what goes on with their men.
Would it not be better to try and understand what is happening here between males and females and, through that understanding, develop better ways to cope with this problem?
It does imply that many men fear that these things could happen.
Many of the women who have written in have expressed feeling betrayed when they discover their men have looked at pornography.
They have expressed the belief that they are not attractive enough, or desirable enough, or sexy enough.
In addition to body image issues, women struggle with what is and is not acceptable about being sexual when you are female.
To this day there remains the double standard that for men it is permissible to be sexual but for women sexuality represents being immoral and sinful.